Malcom Gladwell, famous writer, may recently have experienced his own tipping point of opinion. He suggested that working with others in an actual office (as opposed to solitary toil in a home office, coffee shop, library or bus) is important for success in collaborative, creative work.
Lots of people disagreed with him. Many pointed out that plenty of imaginative content gets generated by people who work alone. To be fair, he granted this point, noting that he has long favored coffee shops as his writing venue of choice. Nevertheless, he said, people who do all their work at home risk becoming socially disconnected from their organizations.
My situation is different, however. I face a panoply of reasons why I can’t go back to work. My rationale has nothing to do with which environment is more productive, and everything to do with…well, other stuff.
My reasoning:
I Have Finally Mastered my Espresso Machine
My Rocket Espresso R Cinquantotto cost me several thousand dollars (embarrassment prevents me from being more precise). It’s the Ferrari of espresso machines, slightly more challenging to operate than a Formula 1 racer. It’s taken months to master and I don’t want to have wasted that time. Plus, I love saying cinquantotto, which means 58. I don’t know why that number is relevant to coffee-making (temperature, speed, quantity, elevation – who knows?), but it’s lovely word.
I Would Disappoint My Dog
Gracie has become accustomed to three long walks a day. If I am to remain the person I think she thinks I am, I’ll need to keep that routine going. Believe me, her opinion of me is more important than yours. Plus, it’s the only form of exercise I get. I’ve given up going to the gym – there are people there – and my digital spin class has also become over-populated.
I Would Fall Behind on My Laundry
Tuesday has become laundry day, as have Wednesday through Friday and Sunday, and sometimes Monday. I do it in the morning, the early afternoon, the late afternoon, any time. I recognize the paradox: as I care less about my wardrobe, I clean my clothes more often. Still, the splashing water in my washing machine may release negative ions, which improve my mood (possibly) and reduce my blood pressure (possibly). OK, the science is fuzzy (like my favorite sweat pants), but washing my clothes just makes me feel better. And I do know this – you can’t do laundry at work.
I Would Contribute to More Losses on my Zoom Stock
I bought Zoom shares when the pandemic forced me to work at home. The stock did well for a while, but with people (not me!) going back to the workplace, the equity value has stopped zooming and started plunging. My financial advisor tells me that “Zoom’s post-COVID trajectory has become more problematic” and that the company faces “new obstacles to sustained growth.” Well, I for one refuse to be one of those obstacles. I don’t intend to abandon the technology that has allowed me to sculpt my new work life.
I’m told that, by staying home, I’m not being sufficiently collaborative. Perhaps, but I do know this: my coffee is great, my dog is happy and I have more clean underwear than you do. You want to collaborate? Join me on Zoom and we can discuss the merits of washing dark clothes in cool water.
Gladwell also says that coming to work gives less-experienced workers access to a social context that helps them learn the secrets of success from more seasoned employees. Fine, you want me to mentor you? Get yourself a Rocket Espresso R Cinquantotto and we’ll talk.
