The old ways of working are as dead as last season’s holiday wreath, as passé as the iPhone 8, the mojito and goat yoga. Doing our jobs from home has made us happier, healthier and more productive. There’s one more natural – or should I say au naturale – step in the evolution of work culture. The next phase? Working naked.
Consider some of the advantages of doing business in the buff.
Reduced laundry – Soap, water, electricity, time – all resources required (I say wasted – wasted!) when you do laundry. Perch in front of your computer in the altogether and avoid squandering the money and the hours associated with cleaning clothes. Your water bill goes down, your screen time goes up.
Relaxed personal hygiene – You’re not wearing clothes, so you might think you’d need to up your bodily cleanliness game. Not so – extend your rejection of soap and water to your physical person. Might you develop an offensive smell? So what? In a work-at-home, video-conferencing world, nobody can detect your scent anyway. Take advantage of that. Put on a hat or tie your hair in a bun and no one will know you haven’t lathered your locks in weeks. A little scalp itch is a small price to pay to avoid the drudgery of scrubbing showers and scouring bathtubs.
Less effort to prepare for the workday – Face it, unless you’re channeling Steve Jobs and wearing the same outfit every day, ruminating over wardrobe options exacts a cognitive price. Even bathrobes and bunny slippers involve a choice. Stop getting dressed and you conserve both time and mental energy. Your skin becomes your uniform. Wear it proudly. Reinvest that brainpower in developing the new marketing campaign, creating the latest AI algorithm, plotting your takeover of the Eastern Region.
Greater freedom of expression – How can you liberate your mind when your thong rides up, your shoes squeeze your toes, those skinny jeans choke off your blood supply? Clothes constrain mind and body, so skip the undies, kick off the shoes, throw the jeans in the trash. Channel those free-spirited hippies from the Summer of Love and strip down to the essentials – your epidermis and nothing else.
Had Adam and Eve foresworn snacking on an apple, we’d all be conducting life in the nude, unembarrassed about our physical flaws. They blew it for us, but by working unclothed we can rekindle our primeval feelings of liberation and innocence.
Although it seems like a modern-day Eden, naked work does come with caveats. Be careful how you answer the door when the FedEx driver rings. He probably hasn’t achieved your level of physical-spiritual emancipation, and so might not be prepared for the sight of you in your bare state. Give the kids a separate space for studying or doing remote classes. Seeing mom or dad in the buff will at best be distracting and, at worst, scarring.
And for heaven’s sake be careful about the angle of your Zoom camera. Be comfortable in your own skin, but don’t subject us to the visual.
