Zoom Fatigue is the signature workplace ailment of the 21st century. But there’s a cure. Use these ten techniques to enliven up your next video meeting.
Will these ideas transform you into a more effective communicator? Maybe. Shock the other attendees? Probably. Make your video sessions more productive? Nope, but only 4 percent of any meeting time is fruitful anyway. At least these tactics will spice up the other 96 percent.
- Jam your index fingers into your ears so hard they touch in the middle – You’ll be telling people: these ideas are all lame. They offend my sense of hearing, which I am now destroying. Car alarms, yowling cats and dentists’ drills sound better.
- Bite your little finger to the bone – The speaker is droning on and on, so express your frustration with a bit of self-harm. Hold up your hand so the other attendees can see it and understand your frustration. The more squeamish will leave the call – good.
- Shatter your wireless mouse with a paperweight – Hit your device so hard the fragments scatter like shrapnel and ricochet off your screen. I’m the alpha here, this says. I just proved it by destroying this metaphorical prey animal.
- Hold a toothy smile for the full 60 minutes – I’m catatonic with boredom, you’re saying, so please send help. But don’t you love these veneers?
- Do a spit take on your computer screen – This should be good for a laugh, as people recoil instinctively from your projectile coffee. Yes, you’ll need to clean your screen, but even that will be time better spent than this meeting.
- Display an interesting array of objects in the background – Yes Bob, that is your face on the voodoo doll.
- Make sure there’s plenty of irrelevant traffic around you – You have a full, rich life – let your colleagues know it. Why should they think they’re the center of your existence? That honor belongs to your Zoom-bombing French bulldog. Hold little Pierre up to your camera so people can see his smushy face.
- In the middle of a sentence, start mouthing words without speaking – People will think there’s something wrong with their audio. Have a chuckle as they scramble to check their settings. Then start speaking again in mid-sentence and watch the fun.
- Pull your polo shirt up over your eyes – This bit of body language tells group members they are singularly unattractive. Plus, you don’t remember when you last did laundry. It’s time to check for tell-tale odors.
- Get up and leave – You conclude that it’s been a while since you did the wash. Take this opportunity to exit the call and run a load of shirts. Nothing happening in this meeting is more important than personal hygiene.
These techniques should shake people out of their Zoom Fatigue. Perhaps some will be even dissuaded from scheduling future calls, or at least from inviting you. And isn’t that the real goal, after all?
